Your Weight Problem (Mine Too.)

It is, of course, the brink of the new year.  Which means that gym memberships are basically free! Because if you sign a 14 year contract at $1.99 a month, which you need because it's important to stay focused, then you will be skinny.  Forget the fact that by February 16th the gym will be back to its regular go-ers and you are locked in paying $2 a month for the next 14 years because you "will go back" just not today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day because you have to feed your cat and then you have a prescheduled nap. And you also should really stare at the mess in your house for at least 4 hours before you decide to take another nap. You just can't make time that day. But maybe the day after that. Definitely the day after that.

Okay, but seriously. I've recently passed the 2 year mark on my journey to a healthier (hotter) me.  I was down to 50 lbs lost... which was a GREAT place to be after 1.5 years of working towards this... and approxiamately 6 months of dilligent and focused weight loss.  Then I got lazy. Or I fell in love. Which made me lazy. Either way. I got comfortable... in my old ways and habits again.  I tasted a french fry after a 9 month french fry rehab and fell back in love with something new.  So yet AGAIN. I am focused.  I am not down 50 lbs anymore. And I'm not happy about it. I didn't "gain it all back" like people always tell you you will when you try to better your health and life.

So here I am. It seems like I'm criticizing you (and me) for starting this plea yet again on January 1st.  First of all, I started it yesterday... which was the 27th of December (So ha!) Second of all, it just HAPPENS to be that that's when I hit my very upset place and refuse to get any fatter.  I am terribly upset with the way my clothes fit and look and even worse what I see when I'm not wearing the clothes (that shrunk... because it's the clothes fault. And my laundry detergent. And my washing machine. And probably my closet's fault for being too humid and causing the clothes to shrink)  And again, back to reality.  It's my fault... for thinking it's fine to eat french fries... in large capacity whenever I want.  Third of all, I am "dieting" as they call it.  I've read so many books, magazines, etc. etc. on how to lose weight, how to diet, super foods, belly busting foods, blah blah blah if you get my point.  I'm reading... ANOTHER book ;-)  I like this book.  It's Dolvett Quince's (from the Biggest Loser) The 3-1-2-1 Diet. Basically the concept is 3 days of "clean eating" followed by 1 "cheat day" then 2 days of "clean eating" and 1 "cheat day" and repeat.  Before you get too excited... the cheat day has cheating and portion restrictions.  I'm not going to go into detail about the plan... I just like it.  The fitness guru boyfriend says no, but I haven't listened to him in a year and a half so why start now ;-) I got my book from the library... so #noexcuses.

To wrap that all up.  STOP dieting.  You heard me. Now you're confused.  Adopt a healthy lifestyle. Eating consciously. Exercising. Sleeping enough. Drinking heavily, water that is. Reading.  Those are all the things that are part of my new diet.  I've got a tip for you.  1200 calories (or less) is never okay.  Caloric intake is the biggest discussion among people who want to lose weight. Okay... Pickles are like 5 calories for 4 pickles...  So all day you can eat 960 pickles and meet 1200 calories... Don't mind the fact that a) you will be starving from lack of substance and b) you will die the next day from sodium intake.  Similar to an all celery "diet".  Stop the madness.  Stop what I call "fad dieting" and starting changing your diet! See how the same word reflects just as evenly.  I did it... it works. I know it does.  But NEVER stop.  One french fry is NOT okay. It's just not.  For many of us, eating is a disease.  Like anorexia, bulimia, alcoholism, drug abuse... all diseases. A lack of impulse control.  As my boyfriend repeatedly states my problem is that I "can't control my emotions and when something goes a little wrong I use it as an excuse to eat like crap and whine about it." Yeah, he's full of fun advice.  BUT... never will I admit to him that he of course is right and he knows this because he was my personal trainer and knows my terrible emotional conflicts inside and out. Partly because he is half of them.

Which leads me to my next soap box.  You can look however you want... trust me, I don't care.  You should not buckle to the pressure of society, you should not be a size 00, you SHOULD be healthy. It's better for your body, it's better for your mind, it's better for your life span.  Overeating is a disease. It's controlled by your emotions.  I LOVE the Biggest Loser. And I LOVE watching the trainers break down the emotional walls of all these people because I've totally been there.  You realize that you have been self deprecating and have been in control the whole time and you chose to be out of control.  The way you eat is directly related to your emotions, your stress level, etc. You HAVE to make smart choices all the time.  Being healthy is kind of like having another job.  Like almost everything in your life, it will require hardwork. Like your relationships, your marriage, raising your kids, your actual job, etc.  A healthy lifestyle requires hard work and commitment.  I adopted a slogan a while back "the gym is my boyfriend" which kind of correlates.  My healthy lifestyle is my boyfriend... because if I cheat on it or if I don't commit to it, if I stray away from it... in a REAL boyfriend girlfriend relationship... my ass would be to the curb, unless we had some weird open relationship. But assuming I don't.



Take yourself seriously this year.  Make small goals, see small victories, and see those small victories eventually turn into big victories.

Don't EVER let anyone else make you feel defeated or worthless or like you can't do it... like you're on another one of "those diets"... it is HARD. And you will slip up. You will. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT beat yourself up over ONE french fry (or a whole Large fry...) or a piece (bag) of chocolate or whatever your weakness is.  Just try harder next time to not overindulge. And maybe work out an extra 10 minutes.  But do NOT give up. Start over at the NEXT meal, immediately.

Would you rather look back at the time and think "I could have lost 25 lbs by now and gained so much muscle" or "I'm really glad I watched that TV show instead of going to the gym."


So. That's my advice. I'll keep you posted on how this is going for me. Keep me posted on what you do or decide.  I believe in you.  And if you stop believing in you... come to me.  I'll pick you back up.  Don't let someone who doesn't know what you're capable of ever doubt you.

The New Leaf

As you may notice, I have moved on to a new a blog. This changeover is more or less a basis of a personal life transition.  I'm shifting my focus from the "Long Road To Love" onto my confessional.  I decided I didn't want my blog to be a long list of the things that I felt were going wrong. Although I definitely believe that writing is an excellent venue to release your feelings, emotions, frustrations, etc.  I read a piece lately that was actually about marriage but I found to be applicable to my relationship with myself as well.

"Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife." - Gerald Rogers  

Original Article - A Good Read!

So. To be the best husband I can be to myself... I'm going to focus on the positive of myself, of my life, of this journey, of others (Which I tend to do anyway... I can't help but believe that people are good - take caution: not everyone deserves this trust)

This post is probably going to be longer than normal; just to kick start it off.  What you can expect to read on this blog:

1. Funny things that happen in my day-to-day preschool experiences

2. My motivation (or occasional lack there of) to work out

3. My continuously developing relationship with Christ

4. Ranting and raving of a twenty-something :)

I suspect this will be a little bit silly, a little bit serious, hopefully a lot of bit motivational. 

I've been ultra observant of churches lately while driving around since I am in search of a new home church.  I saw a sign the other day that said "Forgive your enemies, [it confuses them]."  The wording they chose for the second part was not my personal favorite but that was the general summary of it.  I thought that really is an interesting concept.  We spend so much of our time and our energy on holding grudges, living in the past, using our good life to hold it against people for not being perfect or kind or accepting.  You know what, it's not our problem.  It's also not our choice how they act. Our choice is to forgive, and love them or let them go. But it causes us too much pain to hold onto that anger or hurt and it's costing us too much time and energy from our precious and short life.

Today, I visited a new church (in my continuous series to find a new home church) in Grandville. I loved the message. Not sure if or when I'll revisit the church. Just didn't have the feeling I'm really looking for.  However, I'm happy to expand on the message that I learned today. The Pastor talked about planting a garden. Your life is your garden, how are you keeping a well-watered garden?  Excellent question I must say!  I decided to make a list of the things in my garden: self-love, organization, cleanliness, health, education, positivity, productivity, and ambition.  Those are the things that I am growing in my garden.  Those are going to be my key focuses. How do you grow your garden?  With the rain of God's love... when you feel lost or alone or you feel like one of your flowers is starting to wilt or die... you look to God, you turn to God and he says "I'm right here".  One of the biggest things that I need to overcome personally is getting intimidated by the shadows.  Sometimes in the dark, or loneliness, or fear the devil is playing in the shadows and he's encouraging you to give into those demons.  I need to stop forgetting to trust God. I need to stay on path with the things that are in my garden and the things I find positive in life.

 

I say for 2013 but really I love how well it seems to be going and I'm going to try to continue it as long as I can think of things to do.  So for this year I have started picking one task or personal habit to focus on for every day that month (or week depending on the nature of it.)  In May, it was working out... daily.  Which went better than expected but definitely not every day.  In June, I did getting up and getting myself ready for the day, which seems surface value but once I can settle on my appearance and know that I myself look collected, it makes it much easier for the things in my day to be collected. I feel more calm and organized... so that was a great thing and I'm trying to keep it up but these early mornings are killing that.  It's been said that it takes 30 days to make or break a habit.  That's why I'm trying to focus on one month of doing one thing and hoping it becomes habitual from there... It's part of my progress to an Organized, Complete Life. SO after today's message and my personal feelings, my commitment this month is going to be to volunteer.  One of my favorite things is to help those who are less fortunate than myself. Repeatedly, things have been showing up in my life indicating that I need to focus on helping feed the homeless or less fortunate. So this month that is my personal challenge, and I'm going to do weekly - since daily would be a bit of overkill per my schedule. I'm looking for opportunities - if you know of them... tell me!

In addition to this, I want to stress how important it is to not overcommit! I have a HUGE schedule this semester.  Working starting at 6 AM for full time (fortunately I love my job) and then having school 3 nights a week with a 10 credit class load. Additionally, trying to stay on top of food and working out and sleeping. And with my recent addition of church on Sundays. I'm getting crazy busy.  But I don't feel overcommitted yet.  Now that I've organized... I just need to stay on top of things and this should flow... nicely :)

I went to a spirit guide yesterday. She said a lot of interesting things but one extremely accurate thing she said was that I LOVE helping others... which I do.  I love taking care of the people I love, or the less fortunate, anyone really... why else would I love working at a day care. Teaching and caring :) My two favorite things.  BUT! It is so so so so so so so so important to take care of yourself.

Lastly, the Pastor posed today that we are always asking people "How are you?" What is the answer?   Are we waiting for the answer, are we sincerely looking for the answer? Probably not. However, even if someone else isn't worried about the answer... you should be! How are YOU? Ask yourself that. And then evaluate - what is my answer? Why is that the answer? If you don't like the answer, how are you going to change it?  You are single-handedly responsible for your happiness... the only exception I can see is sadness. I've felt sad and it has been outside of my control. Sad about lost, sad about disappointment. But your emotions are your choice and your reaction.  If you are sad about disappointment... maybe you need to adjust your expectations or who you are expecting things of. In the least selfish way, you need to do what is best for you. You need to make the choices that you want to do. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness except your own.  If you choices are effecting other people, you need to evaluate if that is because it is the wrong choice for you or if it is because it is the best choice for you but the wrong choice for them.  Another great thing I pulled from the blog ^ I posted above about marriage is:

"It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not"

It's not your job not to change! It is other people's job to love you when you do change... as it is your job to love other people when they change. And if you don't love the change, then you may leave... but it is your decision if the changes are THAT big of a deal that they are unloveable. Most situations they are probably not... they are just not what you want of that person, or what you are used to. Guess what, they don't have to be.  Sometimes what is comfortable is what is the poison in your life.

Finally, brothers and sisters, 

whatever is true, 

whatever is noble, 

whatever is right, 

whatever is pure, 

whatever is lovely, 

whatever is admirable

—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—

think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

(Personal fave ;-)